As I sit here, thinking about any "talks" my family ever had about education, I can't think of any. I think it was always just assumed and never really spoken about. I know I shouldn't apologize for my family or any success they have had, but it is second nature to start that way whever I talk about my family and their occupations. I just know how annoying it is to be around people who are dying for others to know how much money they have, etc. Anyway, here goes....my grandfather and his twin brother (on my dad's side) both are doctors; my dad is a doctor; my uncles are all very successful businessmen and my aunts all have college degrees. My mom's dad worked for IBM and retired about 10 years ago and my grandmother worked for Marshall for 25 years before she retired. My mom's brother is a computer programmer who lives in California and my sister and brother in law both graduated from college within the last 2 years. Getting all of that out of the way....needless to say, education was never something that was discussed or debated: it was a way of life.

Growing up, all I *saw* was people pouring hours into work and school, and making the grades. My sister was another one who had a sparkling academic record and I was not about to be outdone by her! :) Because of this environment, being surrounded by a very successful family, I put a huge amount of pressure on myself, even as early as middle school, to be as perfect as possible. That had some negative repercussions in high school and even college, as my self-esteem relied so much on my grades. Because of my work pace, my parents never really had to have "talks" about education or what they expected of me because I already knew by the examples they and so many others in my world had set. Actually, my parents many times had to have talks with me about lowering my expectations of myself, to avoid anxiety and depression about my grades.

I know that I am a very introspective person and have figured a lot out on my own, even with regards to learning and education. Thankfully for my parents, that didn't leave a lot of responsiblility on their shoulders to articulate what was expected of me and why. The bigger job for them (and it was done beautifully, I think), was to show me that, yes, education is important, but the love of a parent is unconditional and far exceeds the significance of a grade any day of the week.

It's funny that this prompt is as it is.....I just posted something about this in my journal last night. I mentioned that, on Friday, we got to watch our first therapy session that involved a HI client, and I was intrigued and literally on the edge of my seat and only looked at the clock once. I have always had a fascination with deafness and how the deaf cope with their situation. Honestly, I think it was the occasion to learn sign language that drew me to this field. I remember that, when I was little, I would always be amazed that people could just flash their hands around quickly, the "listener" would understand, and incredibly the world was theirs again. They were just as capable as you or I. And so one of the "Three Things" I wanted to learn before I left this earth was learning sign language (for the record, the other two were learning to play the guitar and learning CPR.....I've done the first and, oddly, the last one-which should be the easiest- I have put off, maybe to make sure I have a reason to live....just kidding!!).

When I was in high school, and this desire presented itself, I thought about how I could kill two birds with one stone and use this skill I was determined to learn in my workplace. The thought of teaching the deaf came about, but honestly at that point in time, I was interested in making more money than the average pull for a teacher. Mrs. McNealy happens to be a family friend and when I discussed my post high-school options with my mom, she suggested I talk to her about it. Whether she remembers it or not, she encouraged me to join the CD department. When the time rolled around to choose a major, I didn't have any other ideas and so I ended up here.

As I've gone through the classes, I have come to appreciate the complexity of our field, and I think that is one other reason I have stuck by it. I love to be challenged and figure stuff out. Doing "puzzles" is a way of life in the CD department and I really like it. Also, I have just come to love the idea of making the world theirs (those with CDs) again; finding a way to make their lives as natural as possible and taking away the frustration, if only partially or even momentarily, that goes almost hand-in-hand with a communication disorder.

Holy, moly....what a week! This time last year, I would definitely be flipping out and would most likely be in a bad mood. Stress really had a way of getting a good grip on my sanity. But after this summer and the unbelievable experience I had in Slovakia, my priorities are, not so much different, but more solidified. Whenever I get so wrapped up in meeting deadlines or making grades or keeping people happy, I remember that even the best rewards that this life has to offer for my labors can not hold a candle to what is awating me in the next.

This week, I set out to register for the GRE and had no idea that, in the end, I would be taking it the same week! I finally got that hurdle out of the way yesterday and am so glad to know that I am at least one step closer to being ready for graduate school.

I also wanted to get started on some stuff for Aural Rehab, but that somehow got lost in between writing field notes, babysitting, and reading stuff on the web for this class. I wanted to make sure that I also got in touch with some friends from this summer and had a variety of other random things I needed to accomplish. One other thing I needed to do was to make time for my family and some other friends I hadn't seen since I got back from Europe.

I have only mentioned a fraction of the junk I had to do this past week, and it may sound like a lot, but honestly, my life is so busy that I am used to it and if there are distinct processes involved in doing all of this (my life!), then I am not aware of them. I will say, though, that I repeatedly told myself I was doing ______ and then going straight to bed, recognizing the need for rest if I was going to be productive at all by the end of the week. Of course, a zillion other things caught my attention and demanded my time between finishing _____ and going to bed. So the process of pacing myself was intended, but not possible. I think my body is angry at me for the lack of sleep....I need to learn to tolerate the aftertaste of coffee.

I also meant to mention that, during Tx lab on Friday, we got to watch a session with a HI child. I was excited to finally see an SLP in action with this kind of patient. I have always been drawn to this area for some reason unknown to me. Man, oh, man, when that session got going, I was on the edge of my seat and literally (I know this is going to sound like the corniest line ever), I had chills up and down my arms. I was just touched by this boy's desire to correctly speak these words, and to see him struggle and just shake his head when he didn't remember how to make certain sounds made my heart break. It was the quickest hour of my week, and was one of the highlights. Sorry for the sidetrack...

I guess that, after taking the GRE, I have learned to trust myself a little more and give myself a little more credit for what I have accomplished and can do on a moment's notice. Also, I have learned how to appreciate a good hour or two with a friend or group of friends, having conversations about things that are enduring and will mean something to me after this semester or this year is over. Above all, I have learned that, when push comes to shove, something in me steps up and prevents me from copping out and just giving up. Honestly I cannot explain to anyone how I am sitting here, awake, and am making half-way intelligent comments. My body is so exhausted, and part of it is my fault, but I find comfort in the fact that there hasn't been a time yet when I can't find the strength to make it through the week, or the day....or sometimes the hour! But I think the coffee idea wouldn't hurt....